Self Sufficiency Revisited

Earlier this week, Allen was invited to Colorado State University to give a talk at the beginning of August. Since he spent a summer there while we were dating, he has a lot of memories there and I've always been curious to see the places I got so many emails about. Since his flight, car, and hotel are paid for, it seems like a perfect opportunity for me to go along at very little cost to us.

Problem: We have three kids
Solution: Impose on family members and friends to take care of the kids while we're off enjoying ourselves.

It seems like situations like these happen pretty frequently. Sometimes it's not about kids, but about money or help or time or whatever.

Problem: We need a fence for our yard and are out of cash.

Solution: Beg mom & dad for an interest-free loan which may end up never being repaid and only debited from possible future inheritance.

Problem: I'm hosting bookgroup in 4 hours and my house is a disaster and I still need to buy treats.

Solution: Call Nicole for snack ideas, beg mom to either go shopping for me or come and clean my house and watch the kids while I run to the store.

Part of me says that families are supposed to help each other and that in the old days when extended families often lived in each others pockets that these struggles were everybody's problem and so the solutions were similarly dependent on familial help. Helping and serving each other (as long as we're all chipping in at one time or another) is what bonds us together as a family and builds the trust and appreciation that leads to enduring bonds of love. If we all lived perfectly self-sufficiently, we'd never need each other's charitable service and many of those bonds would never be formed. Mom has repeatedly talked about how grateful she's been to get to know Clark & Emily, Juan & Lito, and my girls through extended babysitting service. And they love & trust her as well. This is a good outcome.

Another part of me really thinks that if only I were a better planner or more together person, I wouldn't have to call in favors from the family quite so often. Sometimes I even wonder if the generous help doesn't somehow enable me in my poor time/money management. I obviously don't seem to learn from my past experiences to plan ahead. (If fact, I firmly believe it is a mistake to clean too much ahead, because then you have to do it twice--heaven forbid).

So how do you find the balance? Some of you don't have as many opportunities to mooch (off the parents, at least) as I do, but I'm sure if you dig in your memories you'll find other times, situations or people who've been crutches for you. And is self-sufficiency the goal?