We're doing another round of swimming lessons for Sarah to reinforce her new skills. Ella did the mom-and-tot class last session and we've pretty much mastered those concepts and she's not old enough to be in the regular classes (by just a few weeks). I thought it would all work out okay, that Ella, Kate & I could hang out in the shady area while Sarah swims. I brought a big diaper bag full of stories and crayons and toys to occupy us during the 30 minute class. No problem, right?Well, Ella desparately wants to swim. We've only been doing this two days now, but she has spent both of them sobbing "Where's my speedo, mom? I want to go in that pool." It's breaking my heart.
(It doesn't help matters that Sarah claims she doesn't want to take swimming lessons again. "I already know how to swim, mom." She was stoked about it when we signed her up and paid our $25. Why does she want to bail out now? Seems like lots of kids do this. But that's a post for another day.)
I don't necessarily feel guilty about what's going on with the swimming class thing, but just wish that I could honestly say that this isn't just another instance of what poor Ella has been enduring her whole life. From the very first weeks of her life, Ella's schedule has been adjusted to accomodate her older sister's scehdule. When Sarah was little she had playgroups and library singing time and all sorts of age-appropriate activities. At corresponding ages, Ella just got dragged to drop off and pick up Sarah at some new activity. Ella learned to nap in strollers and car seats, adopted Sarah's passions as her own, and generally has become the kind of girl we need her to be. She ev
en now prefers to dress up as Prince Phillip instead of Aurora.Since Kate's birth, I fear it has only become worse. Now she not only has to be schlepped along when Sarah goes to dance or preschool, she also has to quietly entertain herself while I'm napping the baby. I don't intentionally ignore her--she's actually a very sweet little girl who is lots of fun to talk to, shop with, read to, and play with--she's just not as demanding as her sisters most of the time. Perhaps if I were a great multi-tasker or high-energy person like many of my sisters there would be enough of me to go around and Ella wouldn't be getting the short shrift. But I'm not. Even though I see that she could use some more dedicated time, I have a hard time making it happen.
In thinking about my childhood, I sometimes feel like I was lost in the shuffle. Not as energetic as Julie, not male like Bryant, no great musician or singer or speaker or leader. I gave up my 7th grade semi-delinquincy when I realized that even that wasn't going to get much attention for me since I was not motivated enough to do anything to get me jailed or hospitalized (not that this was a concisous motive at all). I *was* the fix-it girl and renowned for being able to sleep anywhere, but honestly that's not much to write home about. I don't blame mom & dad for my own lack of initiative, but I do wonder how things would have been different if I'd been the type to assert myself more.
I guess my question is how much of this is just tempermental/genetic and how much is just the realities of living in a family. Would Ella still have OCD and want to grow up to be a prince if I were catering more to her? Who knows.
And all this time I thought it was only me who felt pale and talentless in the shadow of her sisters... I remember clinging somewhat desperately to the fact that I spoke German (this was before Meeps went to Germany) as a talent by which I could distinguish myself. I have often lamented my middle-child anxieties, but I don't think I am too scarred by having had my birthday parties taken over by Jen or my childhood rewritten (recorded? remembered?) by an envious little Liesl waiting on the edge of the driveway for me to come home from kindergarten.
ReplyDeleteIsn't every child going to be scarred by family interactions? I know Ella needs your attention, but I think that Sarah and Kate will suffer just as much from the attention as Ella does from the neglect. I often think Ben is much better off because he doesn't have me catering to his whims or lavishing attention like I did (do?) with Anna
ReplyDeleteWow. I have always thought *I* was the one who was pale and talentless. My only claim to fame is that I'm the oldest, which is purely an accident of birth. The fact is that every child is different. You can't give them everything the same because they aren't the same. But you CAN love them all the same. That's what counts.
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