So, the question of the day is: Why do people have children?
Now, you may cite articles like these and tell me that lots of people--many of whom consider themselves extremely intelligent and enlightened--choose not to. But the fact of the matter is that, in Mormon cicles at least, people still think that having kids is a good idea. Don't get me wrong, I like my girls; they are immensely amusing human beings who can be quite delightful at times.
Having number three has made me wonder if we aren't perhaps a bit loopy to have done this again -- they outnumber us! Try to get 2 sleeping kids out of the car in 100 degree weather at the dentist's office or two toddlers to bed on time with a mewling infant in arms or three kids fed and napped at lunchtime. It is exhausting!
Sarah is taking her increased role as a big sister into stride and is, amazingly, better behaved than she was before -- she's trying to take my recovery into consideration and does her best to help Ella deal with theings; she's trying to control her temper and told my twice today when she was on the verge of meltdown "wait a minute, mom! I don't need to be angry. Let's start over and try again."
Ella is another story entirely. Her OCD seems to have kicked into overdrive -- she's got major separation anxiety -- not just from me, but from "her books" (which includes any bound printed matter she takes a fancy to, even if it clearly belongs to and is in use by someone else). She brings armfuls of books (more than a person her size ought to be able to carry) into my bed in the middle of the night and won't rest if she's not physically touching them all. She wants to be read to constantly and gets very out of sorts when some other activity pre-empts her communion with her books (Now that I think about it, perhaps this is an inherited genetic trait from her father and not a strange coping mechanism after all).
Allen has a grant due at the beignning of next week and is consequently in overdrive at work and unable to be home more to help me with this transition. I really want to take care of myself so that I can see if it is possible for my body to heal and bounce back from childbirth in a reasonable amount of time --since it hasn't the other two times when I, admittedly, went back to full steam too soon after the births.
All of this aside, I really am curious: What is it that makes us want to have children? Is it all religious social pressure? Genetic desire to pass on DNA? Boredom? Desire to progress and grow emotionally through loving and caring for others? "It seems like a good idea at the time"?
And why, really, are so many people in the world choosing to forego parenthood? I can't believe that it is all economic. Is it some cult of selfishness as many GC talks seem to indicate? Is it a result of the (insert evil music) feminist movement? Is it some strange eco response to the percieved lack of resources on earth -- zero population style?
I know that my decision is already made and I therefore need to make the best of it, but in those moments when I am straining not to scream aloud at the inhumanity of it all I wonder "why did I think this was a good idea in the first place?"
Interesting thoughts. Maybe because I'm so far past those horrible early days now with no hope of having them again I have trouble asking myself why wouldn't anyone want kids?
ReplyDeleteI remember years ago hearing a talk about how to choose a spouse, and one of the points made was that you should ask yourself the question: "Would you be willing to spend the rest of your life not just with this person, but with half a dozen little copies of him running around." For me that was a yes. The things about my kids that drive me nuts are most often the same traits I pretend not to see in myself.
Besides, if you don't have kids, how can you ever take your grandchildren to Disney World??
As someone who does not have kids I might not be qualified to say anything, but I think people primarily forgo child-bearing out of selfishness. I have to admit, however, that I'm sure there are many who have much better reasons and that my intuition is based on just some anecdotal evidence, but I've heard enough people make comments to the effect that kids would just cramp their style that I think selfishness is real reason for this. In a society that emphasizes individualism and perhaps hedonism would you expect anything less?-->
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